meliajuna

As long as I can remember, I always felt I don’t belong, I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m a loser, I’m useless, I’m a disappointment, a burden, a failure. I’m always wrong, I’m not good enough. I don’t understand why I feel like this, or always felt like this. I don’t know if there’s someone to blame or am I to blame? Is it all in my  head? Am I just moaning because I can’t handle anything? Do you think it’s normal to feel like this for so long. I’ve thought about killing myself, I know it’s wrong and I know I’d upset my family… I hate being home alone, I feel too helpless, I wonder do a lot of people have a need to have someone around. I think I feel that way because if I were alone I might do something to myself. I feel like an idiot. I must be the only depressed person that’s afraid to die. I think that’s why I’m so confused, I can’t be depressed because if I were, I’d want to die. I don’t know what I want. I want to be better, or is this all there is? I feel so alone. I don’t know where to start.